Dark Patrician's GX: UBI
by Dark Patrician
Summary: This was my first attempt at writing fan fiction from a few years ago that I have now started to rewrite. If the plot doesn't seem at all original, that's kind of the point. I decided to create as close to an original unoriginal GX fan fiction plot as possible. Trust me the premise is old, but it is funny.


**Prologue: The Necessary but Unoriginal Plot Setting Up Chapter**

_Author's Note: This was my first attempt at writing fan fiction which I have now started to rewrite, a few years later, as I have added a few jokes that work now and dropped a few that don't. If this doesn't seem at all original, that's kind of the point. I've decided to create as close to an original unoriginal GX fan fiction as possible. Trust me; I have no clue what I'm doing. Also note that this was first written years ago when only the first season had aired even in Japan. This takes place after Year One with the concept that Year Two doesn't exist. I own nothing GX related except for some of the trading cards._

It was a day like any other day at Duel Academy, except it wasn't. A sinister shadow threatened to consume the school and drive the students to the brink of insanity, but then again that seemed to happen every week so the students were used to it.

"Jaden Yuki, Syrus Truesdale. Please report to Chancellor Sheppard's office immediately." The PA system announced.

"Well Sy, you suppose Dr. Crowler has come up with another way to try and get us expelled?" asked Jaden.

"Don't know but I guess we should get going." answered Syrus.

Jaden and Syrus rushed off to the chancellor's office to see that they weren't the only ones called to the office. Bastion Misawa, Alexis Rhodes and Chazz Princeton were also there, sitting around the Chancellor's desk apparently waiting for Jaden to arrive.

"Ah, at last you two have arrived. I've gathered you all here because Duel Academy is about to fall under attack again." the Chancellor explained.

"Again, jeez you'd think that eventually somebody would create an organized army to stop these guys." complained Chazz.

"Why spend money to buy a specialized group when we can use students for free, uh I mean…we'll look into that as soon as possible." Sheppard stated quickly. "Anyway this time an evil organization has left their calling card. It looks like they are going to try and steal the Sacred Beast cards."

"What again? I thought these Sacred Beast cards were supposed to be a secret." Alexis asked.

"I may or may not have gotten drunk last weekend and Tweeted about having them," Sheppard admitted, "mostly the may. Of course if you were following me on Twitter you'd know about this already."

"I don't follow you because all you post are re-tweets of people I've never heard of saying stupid things and status updates which suggest you're stalking the fat lady from the card shop." Chazz explained.

"And that's different from everybody else on Twitter how?" Alexis asked.

"Ah topical humor, this definitely means this series is getting repackaged for a new audience of 2012, like the new version of Animorphs. But getting back to the plot, how do you know that they are looking for the Sacred Beast cards?" asked Bastion.

"Like I said, they left their own calling card." Sheppard explained as he passed a calling card to Bastion.

"The Evil Organization," Bastion read, "Specializing in: defeating children in a popular trading card game, stealing powerful cards from secret vaults under schools, plunging the world into an age of darkness the likes of which have never been seen, and…" Bastion paused in disbelief over the final words on the card, "…home decorating? A subsidiary of the Happy Fun Time Pancake Mix Company of Wahoo, Nebraska. Well that's definitely a business card."

"So now once more, I must entrust the fate of the world to you with these Spirit Keys." Sheppard said holding up the seven Spirit Keys.

"Well that's nice except for the fact that of the original seven only four of us are in this room right now. Professor Banner's dead, Zane graduated, and Crowler—wait, where is Crowler?" questioned Chazz looking around for the effeminate educator.

"Crowler wasn't necessary for this story so he has been sent to Sicily to see his mother," replied Sheppard.

"Wait, what do you mean story?" asked Jaden.

"You mean you haven't noticed that there aren't any pictures? That everything that's happening is just a string of words that have been typed on a computer?" asked Syrus.

"Nope." Replied Jaden looking around and seeing... well whatever your imagination has placed in the office, like a palm tree or maybe a clown on a unicycle or as I suspect most of you are visualizing something disgusting and pornographic which would never be in an open area where impressionable teenagers would be able to see it, because you know teenagers don't know anything about porn.

"Well, before we break the third or fourth or whatever wall it's called too much, you don't have to worry I've found three duelists to fill in the ranks," assured Sheppard as he handed Jaden, Alexis, Chazz, and Bastion the same keys they protected last year.

"Really, you actually found three competent duelists to help us this time so it doesn't necessarily fall on Jaden?" asked Bastion.

"Well, they really aren't the best duelists but they were the best duelists we could find that were either popular or recurring characters or cheap. I mean take Syrus here, if the fate of the world was really at stake, I wouldn't trust Syrus to duel to protect my pencil sharpener, but yet here he is as 1/7th of group that's stands alone in defending the world from destruction," explained Sheppard before throwing one of the keys at him.

"Hey if I'm that bad a duelist why are you giving me a Spirit Key?" questioned Syrus after he caught the key.

"You're a recurring character, the public expects you to play some role other than cheerleader from time to time." replied Sheppard.

"Fair enough." Syrus said.

"That leaves two spirit keys to protect, so who's going to be their guardians?" asked Alexis.

"Well, I've already taken care of that. See the first replacement is here right now." Sheppard gestured to the individual behind the students. The gang turns around to see-Belowski standing in the doorway. "Hey dudes, what's up?" said Belowski.

"Belowski? We only saw him once, how can he be a key guardian?" asked Bastion.

"He's a very popular one time character. Besides whom else would we have gotten? The jungle guy that draws cards? The guy that plays a deck of tennis related cards? The monkey? Come on." Sheppard answered.

"Aww, I liked the monkey," Jaden said pouting a little bit.

"But what about his ability to make people go to sleep? Wouldn't that throw everybody to sleep: us and them?" Syrus asked in a panicked tone.

"Not anymore, dude. You see this headband?" Belowski pointed to a headband on his forehead, "This little baby's called a Neural Somnambulistic Suppression Device, and it stops me from putting everybody I duel to sleep."

"Really and how does it do that?" questioned Bastion.

"Deus ex Machina, but that's not important right now, there's still one more guardian to introduce." Sheppard interrupted. As if on cue, the door opened once more and a person in a Ra Yellow Jersey that they had never seen before entered the room. For the sake of simplistic explanations, a brown haired heavier set guy wearing glasses, around Bastion's height, and not as heavy as Chumley but maybe half that.

"Hello, my name is Dave," said the formerly unnamed mysterious stranger. "I'm the seventh guardian."

"What makes him the seventh guardian?" asked Jaden.

"He's an original character of this fan fiction, making him the avatar of the author and the only one of us that doesn't have a pre-established personality that has to be followed," Sheppard replied.

"Dave? That's not a very Japanese name," stated Chazz.

"Neither is Chazz." Replied Dave.

"Chazz? My name is Manjome Thunder!" Chazz yelled angrily.

"Not in the American version of GX; over there you are referred to as Chazz Princeton. Dave explained.

"That must make my '1, 10, 100, 1000, Manjyome Thunder,' chant unusual." Chazz wondered aloud.

"Actually they changed that." Dave said quietly almost muttering it.

"To what?" Chazz asked cautiously. Dave whispered in his ear so nobody else could here it. "Chazz it up!" Chazz suddenly shouted, "What does that even mean?"

"Moving on, Dave will be the seventh guardian." Sheppard interrupted.

"You don't really look like your typical author created character," Syrus commented looking Dave over.

"You'd rather I was expecting a tall, muscular guy with a face that instantly causes all the girls in the room to blush and act like stalkers, eyes so piercing that they stare into your soul instantly yet so deep you could lose yourself in them for days, and a deck of cards unique and so horribly powered that frankly I could win any duel in less than ten turns?" Dave asked, crossing his arms.

"No."

"No."

"No."

"No."

"No."

"Yes."

"Yes." Everybody turned to look at Jaden and Alexis who had both said 'Yes.'

"What?" Alexis asked. "This series needs more bishōnen guys in it."

"And I just want to see his awesome deck!" Jaden said enthusiastically.

"There's a joke in there and I'm not going to say it," Chazz muttered to Bastion.

"So since he's an original character, does that mean that he will become the hero of the series and win the climatic final duel between good and evil?" asked Bastion, getting things back on track.

"I hope not, I'd rather stay a secondary character that beats a weak underling and then gets beaten by the leader of the Evil Organization. You know typical secondary hero stuff. I'll leave beating the final bad guy to you Jaden." Dave said.

"All righty then, Evil Organization, get your game on!" Jaden exclaimed with his usual enthusiasm.

"_What does that even mean?"_ Dave thought to himself.


End file.
